Strong & Never Wrong

I know that I often try to appear as strong and never wrong. Now, there is no way I can hide how I am weak and have no clue.

I am 5 days away from being a father (if we hit the due date exact). In these past few weeks, my life has changed so much. I feel emotions that I have never felt before. I find myself praying more than ever and praying for the strangest things. Recently, I have been praying for gentleness and kindness. I know that they are fruit of the Spirit and I should always be praying for them. But somehow, in my monkey brain, I figured I had those two mastered. After all, those are the two we talked about the most while I was in elementary Sunday school class. But boy, do I need those two (okay and the rest too).

I guess what I am saying is that God is softening this heart. I know I take great risk of sounding like a weakling when I say that. I fear that if Pee Wee Herman read this he would be encouraged in the strength of his manhood. Yet, I don't really care to share because it is a place I love to be.

I have not even met this girl yet and I am madly in love with her. I would somehow try to find a way to make the north and the south pole meet if she wanted it. In these moments, I am more in love with my wife than I ever have been. It just grows more each day. I have become chief cook at my house and I abso-freakin'-lutely love it (I made a killer chocolate midnight cake last night). I think I have fixed every thing that needs fixed in our home. I hear that women start to nest, well, I think I have done more of that than Nik. But I have to be ready...

Wow, I thought becoming a father was going to be cool, but I didn't even know the half of it. I am reading a really great book now called, "Becoming a Dad" by Stephen James and David Thomas. It's a Relevant Book (I love Relevant!!! It's the best thing since Cool Whip!). This book has been perfect for me; very pertinent. In the book they talk about how becoming a father starts to clue you in on what it is like for God to be a Father to us. I had never really given that much thought before. I had always seen it from a child's viewpoint. I think this whole experience is more than just a normal thing that happens to lots of married couples. It definitely is an experience that helps me get a peek at the Creator. It shows me more of his nature than I ever have seen.

I say all the above and realize that I am at the edge of what is yet to come. I know there are tears, fears, frustrations, poop, sleepless nights, wailing (both by my child and me), more poop, puke, fevers, (did I mention poop yet), bruises, etc. I know I won't have every answer. I know I won't always be strong. That is why this whole process shows me that it is my Father that I have to rely on. That is the true beauty of what is to come.